This book was a long time in the making and a very difficult journey to take. My fight lasted nearly twelve years and although the book covers most of those years, the meat of the story spanned the first five, or so, years. I’ve been known to be verbose in my writing as I expound on some subjects, seemingly inexplicably, but when you finish, all the pieces fit into place and the “Ah ha’s” follow, so hang in there.

Being accused of any crime against children, in and of itself, is difficult to fight. It’s difficult because people have a tendency to believe the accuser, no matter what people know of the accused, or how well the accused is known to any particular person. I will tell you this; very few friends stood by me during this time and when these accusations come, loneliness sets in quickly. It’s at this time you determine just how strong you are, or are willing to be.

The accusation raises at least some doubt, which often manifests itself into believing the accuser completely. And that accusation is extremely difficult to shake, or get out from under. Friends are lost. Jobs are lost and then become inexplicably unavailable. Housing is extremely difficult to find. The burden of proof is upon the accused to prove his, or her innocence.

Once a person is accused, a target is on the back of the accused for the remainder of their life. I knew this and the only thing I felt I could do to cope with what was going on, was to write about it. And that’s what I did. I woke up at 3:30 every morning and wrote for a couple of hours. I did this every morning, without fail, for more than six months.

When I started, I just wanted to write my thoughts down on paper, with the prayer that I could cope with what I was accused of. It started out as a journal, of sorts and six months and one week later, I had amassed more than 700 typewritten pages of notes, police reports, courts documents, stories, and anecdotes. It also read like a long book that traveled in several directions at once and very difficult to follow, although in my ADHD mind, it flowed perfectly. As I was tired of writing every day, I finally put it aside.

A couple of months later I began to rewrite it, taking out any irrelevance, or misdirected subjects that didn’t fit. I knocked off about 200 pages and it finally resembled an incomplete manuscript. I began a third rewrite and whittled off another 100 pages. I gave the work to a few friends and asked for their opinion. I would receive praise for what I had written and was told, “You need to publish this.” But I didn’t know the first thing about publishing anything. And besides, these were friends, so I’m sure they were biased.

After several years of writing, rewriting and tightening up the content of the book I had just under 300 typewritten pages. I finally had a real manuscript and my search for a publisher began.

This book has been in the hands of imprints to two major publishers; Harper Collins and Random House. The interest was there, however the subject matter and content in my book was a little too dicey for them to take the chance of receiving backlash for their participation. It’s unfortunate that a story, such as this, is so common in court systems across the country and needs to be told, but the fear of what others may say is far too great, for those with the power, to back the project.

One of them said they would proceed with publishing if I was willing to remove only one word from the manuscript. Remove just one simple word, wherever it appeared, and they would publish my book. It is a taboo word and a taboo subject, but as often as it is used in Family Court one would think otherwise.

In the Family Court Division of any courthouse in America, you can’t swing a dead cat over your head without hitting someone who has used the word against their spouse. The word is slung around like confetti at a New Years Eve party and there must be laws to stop the use of it in that setting. The word is molestation.

Though it is a horrific word I could not, in good conscience, degrade the content of my book, or diminish the severity of the accusation against me and as I was unwilling to remove the word, we parted ways.

When publishers get backlash, sales are often diminished and no one wants bad publicity. To that end, I understand completely and hold no ill feelings toward them for their desire to step away. Just the fact they had an interest in this project speaks volumes of my book; I know it’s a good book and it is well written. I’m grateful they showed interest. Since a major publisher wasn’t going to take a chance on this, I had to go with a smaller firm. It took awhile to find one….well, apparently, through word of mouth, they found me about a year later and I signed a publishing contract on March 17, 2022.

One thing I was continually told; the appeal of this book stemmed from the fact the book did not bash women, it was not written with a misogynistic tone, it did not come off as “whoa-is-me “ book, and it did not spin a narrative that I was a victim. Although I was absolutely a victim in nearly every facet, I didn’t bemoan that fact. It was my two youngest daughters who were victims and they suffered greatly for their mother’s indiscretions. I made sure that was known.

I was continually praised for telling my story in an unbiased manner and telling it in its entirety good, or bad, even if it reflected poorly on me personally. I told my story and wrote the truth with every bit of back-up [court documents, police reports, etc.] which lends proof of my side of the story and bolstered my veracity. I just told my story.

I’ve always had a penchant for writing and have written numerous short stories about stupid things we do in our younger years and as adults, so it made this project easier for me to write, than someone with a great story to tell, but does not enjoy writing. As difficult as this was to tell my story, I’m glad I did and I’m grateful someone took notice.

If this book is as successful as some people believe it will be, my plan is to start a non-profit to help those who have been falsely accused of crimes against children and possibly spouses, but have no financial resources with which to fight back. I am not entirely certain of how, but if I can help someone with legal consultation with a Family Law Attorney, it would be a start. God knows there are many, many people who need help of some kind and if I can help with giving someone a direction in which to travel, it would certainly be a start.

I hope you enjoy the book.